it's like 11.57 pm now.the sky's dark.

anyways.ended nationals on wed.4 yrs of xc just gone like that.i really miss the times in sec1,when everyone was so noob.sec2,when it was our golden year.sec3,when we didn't do so well,and sec4,when we realised that results doesn't matter;the journey does.

nats on wed.left the class at 1045.rested in the gym.headed to turf city where schs like vjc,hcjc,acjc and vs hung their big banners all over the place.heard some schs even went to tape the place early in the morning.so,slept for quite some time b4 heading out to warm up and stretch.the cboys started first.followed by the c girls, then b boys then b girls.before our race,mrlee told us that we stood a high chance getting top4.but we cant be complacent.so before we went to the start line,he asked if everyone was ok.

feeling at the start line was undescribable.i felt like crying.but i wanna run.i visualised the whole route in my head but i just couldn't find anything to motivate me to run.it took quite some time for the officials to settle everything.so that gave me some time to think abt everything.thoughts of running emily/karen to replace me,feigning fainting occured to me.but i know i'll be deceiving myself.not to mention i'm the vice captain.i couldn't let b girls nor the team down.at last,i willed myself to keep up with the pack.reminded myself that all the morning runs i did,all the trgs i attended,all the pain i endured were not going to be for nothing.and so,the horn sounded and we were off.kept at a good pace at first.the 6 of us controlled at the slope and gradually broke away as a pack.chased ppl down the tarmac road and tried to chase leena on the grass path.i swear i ran my hardest at the grass patch.upon reaching the bend,i couldn't take it anymore.yes i slowed down.i got 37th position.timing not known yet.

joanna got stung by sth.and we brought her to sjab there.then i started crying when i saw michelle.i told her i didn't run fast enough,and i felt that i let mrlee down.but she assured me that i ran well.she said she was very happy to see me back.then,i went over to fann ps there.i cried again.cuz i really wanted a team position so much.and i knew our chances were very low.i still prayed for a 4th placing though.in the end,we didn't get it.not top 6.maybe the 7th i dont know.but mrlee pat my shoulder and told me 'winning doesn't matter.it's the journey which you went through that matters most'.i agreed,because it's my last year in rvxc.after the prize presentation(mz got 16th,pengfei got 9th,bballer yitong got 14th,congrats!),we took pics after pics.be it with the juniors or as a sec4 batch.and as an ATHLETICS team.it was then that i realised that what matters was really the times we spent tgt.the laughter we shared.the pain we pull through tgt.the encouragement we offered one another.unreplaceable.nothing can.

after the dinner at bukit timah food centre, i think i cried a total of 4/5 times.emily reminded us that wed was our last time as xc tgt.last trg.it'll nvr be the same next time.track's discipline is far stricter than ours.and i understand.but i just hate to leave xc.juniors and sec4s made my day every tue/thu/sat.going home tgt was always enjoyable and fun.emily said when she saw lirui leave for 173,saw jingjie leave for his bus,saw leena alighting,saw kexin alighting,she felt bitter.me too.it's really freaking sad.on the bus,jasmine emily and i cried.i dunno how many times though.but i didn't want this to affect me.i want to cry on grad day.not now.but whatever comes,has to go.any this is a painful truth we have to accept.

so i unofficially end my duties as a vice captain for xc.sad.cuz if possible,i dont mind being one again.i dont mind nagging at them to go for warm up and drills.i dont mind passing msg every other 2 days to everyone.i dont mind collating shirt sizes again.i dont mind taking attendance every tue/thu/sat.i really dont mind.but my chance has passed.it's time to hand over these duties to someone else.but i just cant bear to part.

i suddenly feel like blogging about nats.

months of trg boils down to just one race.wednesday,18 april,2007.i wonder how many of us are actually looking forward to it.

yes.maybe no one is.because those who are running on that day suffers.suffer what?pain.the mere pain in yr thighs doesn't stop you from running.it's the pain in the mind.the mental pain.the mental torture which we have to go through.unnecessary right?but why?why are we willing to go through this torture?because we want it.we want it so much that you see ppl running in the morning,even on trg days.you see ppl crying over not being in the team.you see ppl crying over their results for a certain race.you see ppl going for trgs even when they're in pain.you see ppl struggling to complete the workouts the coach gives.you see ppl struggling to overcome their psychological barrier.all for what?just for the race.

i rmb how i felt in sec2 and 3.sec2 was most of our peak yrs.i did a pb of 16.34 in sec2 and have not broke it since then.i see juniors doing a 15.50 and i feel demoralised.but i know,feeling demoralised will get u no where.and so i've decided to train hard.sometimes,i just feel that im not reaping anything.but i try.i don't like to give up easily.because i know how much everyone in the team wants the top4 position.i couldn't bear to ruin everyone's hope.

it's true that the pain lingers in yr mind during the race.it's also true that you need really great determination to overcome the pain.but how determined are we?

if i get to run on wed,i'll really run.you know.run.not jog.really run.i dont mind running till i faint at the finishing line.if that what it takes,i gotta do it.

as a sec4,i really hope to leave a legacy behind for the juniors.and i really hope the team do the school and the coach proud.mrlee's right.if we dont get anything out of the race,it doesnt matter.it's the time we spent tgt during each trg.the joy we share.the jokes by lirui.the scolding by jingjie.the lameness by emily.the hiongness by leena.and the cuteness from the juniors.and i know i'll cry on my day of graduation.mostly due to the fact that i'll be leaving rva.or maybe i'll cry on wed bcause that's when i'll unofficially end my role as a vice captain and leave xc.

so.i've told myself to not know pain.to not let pain stop me from doing a low 16.(if i'm running)

3 more days.it's all up to us whether we want to know pain,or not know pain.all the best!

hmm.haven been updating for long.so i shall talk about random stuffs.

OH YEAH CONGRATS TO RVCO FOR GETTING GWH!

start with today yeah.physics test.i dunno how i'll fare because prac elec occupied only like 1/11 of the paper.and static almost dominated the paper.wth.no calculations except for one.grr.went to lt4 after the test to watch rgs vs ri for the national debate thingy.held in our sch,so weird.janice ade piang followed cuz they wanna see my sis.then went home after that.

ytd had trg.6 X 3mins sets.hiong but completed.but dist covered was less than last thur's.so yup,must jiayou.left with 2 weeks exactly from now.cant afford to slack or anything.the team has a chance,but it's only up to us.whether we want.how much we want.'focus, drive.where has that gone?' -euglee.

anw.feeling pissed just now cuz i take super long to do 3 fing amaths qns on differentiation of trigo functions.i realised a very big fault of mine:that is i dont copy properly from the previous line.and i called piang like 3 times for 1 qn.the 1st qn.mrchng today was pissed off.kinda scary cuz his face was really damn long.chao bushuang.

carrots'll be rocking in exactly 2 weeks time.and jj and i'll unofficially step down from cross after that.will be on the lookout for juniors yeah.

mid years in 4 weeks time.time's passing so fast.so many things,so little time.